Maybe you’re the person in your complex or neighborhood to break out the string lights and don your festive turtleneck sweaters the day after Halloween.
Or perhaps you say “humbug” to the perpetuation of culturally exploitive and corrupt capitalism whilst you cozy up with some anarchist zines and a box of Franzia Blush (or kombucha).
From cuddly kittens to fat joints, there are plenty of wintery activities to help ease the impending gloom of winter. Here are the 12 Days of Euge-mas that you — yes, even you, little nihilist Grinch — can get down with.
12 Cozy Kitties
Over humans and love cats? Check out S.A.R.A.’s Treasures, a combination thrift store and cat sanctuary. S.AR.A.’s has saved 800 cats since 2001 and always has fluffy friends lurking about. For the truly dedicated cat lover, visit Purrington’s Cat Lounge in Portland to sip coffee or do some yoga while surrounded by purring pals.
More info on S.A.R.A.’s mission and fur pals at sarasavesanimals.org.
11 Ugly Sweaters
Regardless of their aesthetic appeal, the general consensus on sweaters (from extensive research and formal, definitely real reports) is that they’re super snuggly and rad. Head to St. Vincent de Paul, Value Village and Teen Challenge Thrift Store to find the best sweaters at a logical price and get your cozy on (well-off hipsters to the back of the line, please). Or maybe you just pull on the ugly sweater from the back of your closet, because you realize that your old sweaters are just as ugly as anything you can buy in a store.
10 Roles of Lefse
… Or injera, fresh tamales, handfuls of pfeffernusse, cups of atole. We all have traditional winter comfort foods that are too damn delicious to put down after one serving. Dive into your heritage, get the recipe from your awkwardly distant aunt and nosh on beside friends and loved ones.
9 Hours Binging
Still have your ex’s Netflix account? Perfect. Are you more of a Hulu person? Free-trial that shit. Maybe you’re hip on the new Youtube Red shows. Sweet. Share the wealth of binging shows this season with your friends and family or hunker down with your favorite series. ’Tis the season to hermit.
8 Herbs for Solstice
Mistletoe isn’t just for smoochin’. Build your own lovely concoction of dried summer herbs along with mistletoe, fir stems and holly to make an altar that welcomes the season of darkness, decay and a new year.
7 Bowls a Blazin’
If you don’t get paranoid when you smoke, unwind with some bud in all its glorious forms for a gift that truly keeps on giving. It’s also the perfect season for trying out some baked goods. Speaking of, where are all the Yule log edibles? Roll 'em up!
Maybe all you want for the holidays is to see some titties and chug a brewskie. You’re in luck! Some of our local strip clubs host “Naughty and Nice” theme nights and dank drink deals. Feeling bored of your same old club? Head up to Portland to see men on stage, too, in the land of strip joints.
High-5 for Non-WASP Holidays
We all know Christmas is on steroids and capitalism is trying it’s best to sink its greedy claws into Hanukkah. Celebrate winter festivities with your own cultural traditions, partake in Festivus or even beloved Boxing Day!
Here’s a high-five to you for doing the holiday season however you damn well please.
4 Hours Shopping on Black Friday
Those deals, man. I can’t get over those freakin’ deals. But maybe, just maybe, spend those Black-Friday bucks locally if you must.
3 Pinterest Failures
We all know the folks who always have the cutest decorations they’ve effortlessly put together after scrolling through Pinterest for five minutes. You, on the other hand, spend hours translating a single craft’s directions after getting lost in Michael’s for what seemed like weeks, years even. You spill your wine twice and wind up gluing a snowflake to the damn dog.
2 Meals a Steamin’
If you have the means to do so, think about volunteering or donating to local homeless shelters or homeless aid facilities. The Eugene Service Station hosts hot ’n’ steaming meals for folks around the holidays and is always in need of a helping hand. The annual Whiteaker Thanksgiving Dinner (wcdinner.org) brings the community together to help those in need. In a rush? Stop by any St. Vincent De Paul retail store to donate items that help other folks get their cozy on this winter (I know you have that one winter coat you never wear in the back of your closet).
1 Grey Abyss
And finally, as an unusually pleasant autumn winds down and winter winds up, we enter the rainy season. Whatever the hell life — Santa, Krampus or otherwise — brings these next few months, remember that we’re all in this seasonal doom and gloom together. Light a menorah. Hug a friend, a tree, a pup. Fall asleep reading a book. Sip a steaming drink. Happy holidays, folks.