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On May 18, 1970, the Eugene Water and Electric Board (EWEB) ran an ad in The Register-Guard. The ad read, in all caps, bold print: “EWEB IS ON THE COAST TO STAY. VOTE NO ON MEASURE 52. SAVE YOUR NUCLEAR PLANT.” The ad also touted nuclear as “the safest of all industries.”

Twelve miles north of Florence, Big Creek meets the sea. It’s the first of two lovely small concrete arch bridges, designed by Conde B. McCullough in the 1930s. There’s a turnout just north of the bridge where you will find a sign indicating the land is public and owned by Oregon state parks for you and me. 

I’m a professional dominatrix, and I thought I’d seen everything in the last five years. But this situation completely baffled the entire dungeon. This middle-aged guy, seemingly in fine health, booked an appointment with me and my colleague for one hour of some very light play and a golden shower to finish off with. We did no CBT, no cock rings, no trauma to the dick area at all, no ass play, no sounding or catheters, no turbulent masturbation, nothing that could have caused this reaction.

Remember, dear reader, last year I carefully explained the difference between a horse race and a political race? (In a horse race the whole horse races, remember?) Apt metaphors live on. Lately there is more equine political scatology in the air.

I’m a 67-year-old gay man. After a breakup 15 years ago, I believed the possibility of emotional and sexual intimacy with a partner was over for me. Then a couple of months ago, my desire for sexual contact increased dramatically. For the first time, I began using apps, and I felt like the proverbial kid in a candy store; it seemed strangely similar to when I first came out in San Francisco’s Castro neighborhood in the early 1970s. Also, I was surprised — not unpleasantly — by the whole Daddy phenomenon, never imagining that this old face and body would interest younger men.

The turn of the calendar year comes, not coincidentally, at the turn of the solar year. It would be appropriate to celebrate New Year’s Day the day after winter solstice. The solstices are milestones in the cycle of nature, not end and starting points.

I married my high-school sweetheart at 17, had a baby, together a few years, mental illness and subsequent infidelity led to things ending. My ex-husband remarried, divorced again, and is now in another LTR. I’m in a LTR for a decade with my current partner (CP), we have a few kids, and I’m so in love with him, it terrifies me. My ex frequently makes sexual remarks to me, low-key flirts. I feel an animal attraction in the moment. Whatever. I don’t want to be with him, my relationship with CP is solid AF, and I get amazing fucking at home from a man far more skilled.

I am a 22-year-old Italian man, 100 percent straight, sensitive and sporty. I have been reading Savage Love for years in Internazionale. I have one question for you: Why do I always fall in love with lesbians? Why do I instantly fall in love with girls who have that something more in their eyes? Something melancholy and perhaps insecure? Girls whom I’d rather protect and embrace than take to bed? The last three girls who fit this description all turned out to be lesbians.

Is it just me? Or are others asking the same existential questions? RYFKM? Tax breaks for the rich? Tax increases for Oregon’s workers, educators, firefighters, cops? Who benefits? Uncle Phil? What programs get cut with a trillion dollars less in taxes? Let me guess.

I have been with my unicorn boyfriend for four months. The sexual chemistry between us is out of this world! I’m a woman who’s very open-minded when it comes to trying new things: I’ve had threesomes and foursomes, tried every toy on the market, done anal sex, BDSM, and many other things. He is sexually experienced, but he’s not open-minded. One thing he won’t do is kiss me after I’ve swallowed his load. We’ve been together only four months, so maybe I just need to wait and hope that he’ll come around.

The Springfield Roughnecks (formerly Springfield Redneck Revolt) is a grassroots community defense project made up of working-class folk dedicated to building stronger communities in Springfield and throughout Lane County. This is in response to the recent Weekly article “Antifa,” (10/19) which I feel misrepresented the Springfield Roughnecks by implying that we are an “Antifa” organization.

As a 36-year-old straight woman with autism, I am often misidentified as lesbian because my social signaling must read as masculine. I am not bothered by this. However, it is annoying when someone who should know better thinks I would hide it if I were LGBTQ. I’m very direct and honest—sometimes to my detriment—and the idea that I would hide something so fundamental about myself is abhorrent to me. I don’t consider myself disabled; I am different than most people but not broken.

What is the sole water source for Eugene? 

I didn’t know the answer either, and I actually live on the McKenzie. Like you, I know now: the McKenzie River. 

Dec. 21 marks the solstice, the traditional beginning of winter. In most of the northern hemisphere this means a quiet, cold time of the year, but in western Oregon it signifies the beginning of our alternate growing season. All the plants that require watering by rainfall begin their peak growth period; lichens, mosses and liverworts are the most prominent.

My son Chris recently gave me a poster from the 1973 movie The Sting, starring Paul Newman and Robert Redford, as a couple of conmen in the 1930s who pull off a complicated con on their mark, a ruthless gangster played by Robert Shaw.

It’s one of my favorite movies, and it’s a nearly perfect parable for my time in the Governor’s Regional Solutions Center. 

I used to be a fan of your column, Dan, but something happened to you. Maybe it’s stress, the current political climate, or some other issue—I don’t know. I used to look forward to your columns because they were fun, smart, and helpful—but I don’t enjoy what I’m seeing now. If something did happen to you, reach out for help. You’re on the verge of losing a loyal reader.

Reader Enquiring About Dan’s Enervating Responses

I’m a straight man in a live-in relationship with a beautiful woman. There are no sparks in bed, and it’s been more than a year since we’ve had sex. She says, “I’m sorry, but I’m just not interested.” Sometimes she asks me if I’m disappointed, and I say something like “I miss sex.” And she says: “Maybe someday. But the important thing is we love each other, right?” Before my last birthday, she asked me what I wanted as a gift. I replied, “A soapy handjob.” That would’ve been the most action I’d had all year.

If you know me you know that each year in November

I like to take time to take stock and remember

That Thanksgiving means: Giving thanks for it all

For the things that are great and the things that are small

I’m a twentysomething straight woman. About a month ago, I had a really vivid dream in which I was at a party and engaging with a guy I had just met. We were seriously flirting. Then my fiancé showed up—my real, flesh-and-blood, sleeping-next-to-me fiancé—who we’ll call G. In the dream, I proceeded to shower G with attention and PDA; I was all over him in a way we typically aren’t in public. I was clearly doing it to get a reaction from the guy I’d just spent the last dream-hour seducing. It was as if it had been my plan all along.

I’ve had an exciting couple of months since we last visited. It’s been nice to be away from politics for a while. I did an enjoyable Eugene City Club gig with Jack Roberts. And I attended my 50th high school reunion in Roswell, New Mexico. What a hoot! I was adopted from Ireland at the age of 3 and didn’t become a naturalized U.S. citizen until I was 7; so I was technically a Roswell alien for 4 years. Classmates said it explained my political path later in Oregon.

I was honored to appear with Esther Perel at the Orpheum Theater in Vancouver, BC, a few weeks ago to discuss her new book, The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity. Questions were submitted on cards before the show — some for me, some for Esther, some for both of us — and we got to as many as we could during the event. Here are some of the questions (mostly for me) that we didn’t get to.


Last May’s Eugene 4J school board elections were the most contested in recent memory. Community Alliance for Public Education (CAPE) appreciated the deeper level of debate and analysis that took place. Mary Leighton, Jerry Rosiek and Maya Rabasa met last week to discuss their thoughts as runners up, running as outsiders.  

There is a major business “recruitment” project going on right now in our community, it’s called Project Titan, and I have absolutely no clue about who or what it is. Oh, I’ve tried, well, sort-of tried, to find out. I asked around, here and there, even chatted with a former colleague of mine. But regardless of who it is, it will play out the same, in secret meetings behind closed doors, out of public view. 

I’m a 40-year-old bi man. I’ve been with my 33-year-old bi wife for three years and married for one. When we first met, she made it clear that she was in a long-term (more than three years) “Daddy” relationship with an older man. I figured out six months later that her “Daddy” was her boss and business partner. He is married, and his wife does not know. I struggled with their relationship, since I identify as open but not poly. Eight months later, she ended things with him because it was “logically right” for us (her words).

There is nothing like three days of hard rain to signal the proper end of summer and the beginning of the rainy season, aka our winter. We celebrate rain and cloudy skies for at least the next month or so. By February, many will tire of mist and drizzle, but for now we are happy to walk in the wet. The forest fires that have ravaged the nearby hills have been quenched. Deep pockets of coals will yet burn a while but the serious threat is over.