• Eugene Weekly Loves You!
Share |

Columns

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion,” the Dalai Lama says. “If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” But what does it mean to practice compassion? I sometimes think it’s only a warm, fuzzy feeling towards others, or a New Age trick to subvert my consciousness. Perhaps it’s a sign of weakness and I’ll be bullied. Maybe I should reserve compassion just for a deserving few.

As this column goes to print, yours truly will be a whole new person in approximately two weeks. No, no, this isn’t a Bruce Jenner moment, about his transgenderfication and his alleged dedication of his balls to Obama. Simply stated, I will be able to discard the chains of oppression, forever freed from the shackles of being a First Amendment victim of this sobering qualifier at the end of each of my columns: “Tony Corcoran is currently a state employee, but his observations in this column are those of a private Oregon citizen.” (In other words: Don’t believe a thing he has to say because he’s biased and he can’t tell us how he really feels.) Pretty soon, dear reader, you’ll soon be able to discern just how full of bullshit I am on my own merits, despite no longer being a public employee. Just a retired geezer! My plans involve a little golf and producing paella for progressive politicians in perpetuity. 

What’s up with the Eugene 4J School Board? It has turned a routine performance review of the superintendent into a circus. Its members have broken laws, wasted taxpayer dollars, set a depressing example for students and made residents from New Jersey have second thoughts about moving here. What are they doing? Are they in training for jobs to help run the University of Oregon?

Last summer, I reconnected with a high-school teacher I hadn’t seen for a year. We first met when I was 15, and I had nothing but respect for him and his intelligence. I also had a crush on him for the next four years. Fast-forward a year. He is sexting me and sending dick pics and wants to hook up. He has told me he loves me. I feel violated and tricked, like he was supposed to be someone I could trust and he didn’t respect that. Now I wonder how teachers really see underage high-school girls. This whole experience has made me feel dirty.

We could be electing a feminist president, a champion for women — totally awesome! But we’d better brace ourselves. With Hillary Clinton as the presumptive Democratic candidate, we’re barreling into an 18-month spin cycle of hateful hype. 

My partner is 31 years older than I am. I know the math: He’ll be 60 when I’m 29. But that isn’t the problem. The issue is he’s been a lifelong bachelor and never been monogamous. He’s fucked hundreds of women and is close friends with a lot of his former fuck buddies. Because of our four-year friendship before we hooked up, I know a lot about his sex life. The problem isn’t jealousy—and it isn’t knowing he’s fucked every woman he’s friends with or that he fucked someone else after declaring his love for me.

April 26 through May 2 is National Preservation Week and most people don’t really know about it. We do appreciate the historic places around us. We can appreciate buildings from an earlier age for their quality of construction and materials, their remarkable and memorable shape and form or for what might have occurred behind their doors. Sometimes those buildings sit in the landscape, isolated and unique. Sometimes they’re found together in neighborhoods, or the several neighborhoods that make up a town. Each of these, when held in our memory, tells us the story of where we are and why we’re here.

This year Lane Community College embarked on a Cultural Competency Professional Development initiative designed as educational programs for faculty and staff about the history, culture and current experiences of diverse peoples and communities. In this context, the Lane Peace Center Committee chose to focus our upcoming 8th annual Peace Symposium on indigenous peoples. Our purpose is to look at the history and culture of the United States from an indigenous perspective, to borrow a phrase from one of our keynote speakers, Suzan Harjo, “Seeing Red.”

I’m an American woman living abroad and have started a relationship with a wonderful man from a Middle Eastern country. We are having a great time exploring what is a foreign country for both of us. The looming issue is sex, of course. He is a moderate Muslim, but he grew up in a strict conservative family and country. He’s 25 and has never even held hands with a woman. He is excited to change this now that he has broken away from his family. I have had many partners, both men and women, and am quite sexually experienced. I am curious about what to do when the time comes.

Whatcha doing on Tuesday, April 28? I’ll pause here for however many thumb taps, finger swipes or page flicks it takes to check your calendar. Nothing? No idea what’s happening that date? Any guesses?

I consider myself a straight guy—but for the last four years, I’ve been having an affair with “Connie,” a trans girl I met online. It was just casual at first, but over time we developed a deeper personal relationship but kept it hidden. At some point, I figured out she was in love with me. I love her too, but I don’t think I am “in love” with her. Several weeks ago, I went on a couple of dates with a girl I met on Match.com.

A few years back, House Republican Julie Parish blew the whistle on a group of Republican House caucus good old boys who went down to Palm Springs to get close to some “harmless visual stimuli” at a G-string circus. Sort of an adult Spring Break! This year, Republicans decided to clean up their act. It appears every Republican in the capitol is headed to Las Vegas this year instead to catch a Penn and Teller magic show. There’s no reason for a Grand Bargain this time around, so they came back with a Grand Illusion: The Disappearing Secret Budget Act  — more fun than a pole dance! 

I’m a straight male kinkster who used to do live performances as a rope bondage top, but I recently jumped out of the kink community. I just think I’ll have better luck finding a long-term relationship with a girl from the vanilla world. So long as she’s GGG, I can live with it. As much as I loved the sex/kink with people I met in “the scene,” I never found anything/anyone for the “long term.” My question: I’m unsure of how much I should share about my past. Should I tell vanilla girls that I performed at bondage shows?

Do birds return to the same nest year after year? All winter, when the deciduous trees are bare, I look at clots of debris high in their branches and try to pick out which are just clumps of leaves and which are nests. The obstacle to solving this puzzle is that the old nests are obscured by leaves by the time birds might come back. 

OK, maybe I was a little premature last week picking Ted Cruz to win the Republican presidential primary. Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker received 25 percent support from likely Iowa caucus attendees in a poll released last Wednesday, leading Rand Paul (13 percent), Mike Huckabee (11 percent) and Jeb Bush (10 percent). Of course, early presidential polls a year before voters start the nominating process tend to show name recognition and are not a predictor of caucuses and primaries or who will become the nominee.

I think my husband is addicted to porn. I find porn in his browser history almost every single day. He says I’m the only one he wants, but I find that hard to believe knowing he watches nonstop porn before fucking me. He also parties every time he goes on a business trip. Needless to say, I also suspect he cheats. He says he would never cheat on me because he “doesn’t need to.” But what does that mean? I think he is a liar. Every time I even try to bring anything up with him, it is flung back in my face because I cheated on him. He has the ultimate trump card.

Alright, already! Enough about federal politics; we already know the outcome of the 2016 presidential primaries: Elizabeth Warren versus Ted Cruz. According to U.S. Rep. Greg Walden, Hillary Clinton was last seen dumping her personal email server in the Deschutes County dump. Thinking she was actually serious about running, I had already switched parties and sent Texas Senator Cruz my contribution. He’s perfect for me, as a former Democrat. He has endorsed outsider Tea Party candidates against sitting U.S. senators, even while serving as vice chairman of the National Republican Senatorial Committee, the organization tasked with electing — and reelecting — GOP senators! You da Man! And who could ever forget his Green Eggs and Ham filibuster speech to ward off that socialist Obamacare stuff? 

The Eugene Water and Electric Board (EWEB) met Feb. 17 and dutifully accepted public testimony addressing the main agenda item quietly described in an internal memo and low-profiled to the public: “Management has negotiated contracts with two providers of essential Advanced Metering Infrastructure services, hardware and software (Harris and Sensus). Management seeks approval of these two contracts to allow for the AMI project to proceed into the initial implementation phase during 2015.” 

I found this in an online sex ad: “Straight guy with an addiction to massive cocks in my ass.” This “straight guy” went on to mention his girlfriend. Can a person really identify as straight while wanting to be fucked by men? I understand that straight guys can like ass play too, but it’s not like he wants to be pegged by his girlfriend or use a dildo on himself. He’s straight-up (heh-heh) looking for hung dudes to fuck his ass.

Jaded And Wondering, Dude’s Really On Pussy?

The fubar scenario in Salem’s Capitol last week began with Governor Brown’s support of the low-carbon fuel standard, SB 324 and the Republican reaction. The Oregonian, the R-G and Republican legislators immediately blew up an overdue transportation infrastructure plan, a plan that likely would have resulted in the only significant bipartisan accomplishment of this session, all because Kate chose to sign SB 324.  

I’m a straight guy in my 30s dating a woman in her mid-20s. We’ve been together for a year, and I’m crazy about her. In love, even. She’s gorgeous, sweet, kind, loving, and very sexual. She’s perfect. In her late teens and early 20s, she had a wild sex life. She attended sex parties, had loads of NSA hookups, sexted with random guys she met online, etc. She revealed this to me slowly and carefully out of fear that I’d look down on her, but what she didn’t know is that I have an intense cuckold interest.

It’s so much more entertaining watching Salem politics than the Boehner and McConnell Obamadrama immigration fiasco in D.C. The Oregon Senate already previewed snarky political hot-air theater in its raucous partisan debate over low-carbon fuel emissions, and the House then passed the low-carbon bill to Kate Brown in a 31-29 dust-up after sticking Kate’s motor voter bill down the collective Republican pie hole. And speaking of Kate, Gov. Brown signed her first bill, a change in the outcome of class-action suits, a Democrat target since last session.

When I was 15, I had a three-month-long sexual relationship with a 32-year-old woman. She was a friend of the family, and my parents were going through a divorce. I stayed with her for the summer, and she initiated a sexual relationship. Looking back, I can see that she had been grooming me. We used to have conversations online and via e-mail that were very inappropriate considering our age difference. The relationship ended when I went home, but she remained flirty. As a 15-year-old, I had a hard time sorting out my feelings for her, but we remained in contact.

The gray whale cows and their calves are migrating north in good numbers this month. I finally visited the most fabulous place to watch whales: the shelter at the top of the Saint Perpetua Trail. The hike is very steep but a road allows one to drive up. Go early in the day, as the parking lot at the top is small. There are often volunteers with spotting scopes at the Cape Perpetua Visitor Center. They have information on how many whales are passing that day.