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The mood in Salem’s Hot Air Society took a turn for the worse this week as Democratic leaders opened up hearings last Tuesday on PERS (Public Employees Retirement System). I was hoping that Speaker Tina Kotek and Senate President Peter Courtney would form a special joint committee dedicated to PERS alone.

Lane County commissioners have fired their experienced and highly regarded, fair manager for no apparent reason and with no explanation? I thought only Donald Trump could do something like that.

I am trying to understand some sexual fantasies I have. They involve having sex with a woman who has a penis. Sometimes I fantasize that my wife grew a penis. The fantasies started when we first tried pegging a few years ago. We recently had our first child and can no longer find the time for such kinky sex. These transsexual fantasies have caused a large strain in our relationship, and I don’t understand why I am having them or what I should do about them.

As Spring arrives, the 77th Hot Air Society is devolving into Salem’s version of our national political gridlock. Republicans are showboating with an unacceptable PERS reform proposal and refusing to negotiate over new taxes. Meanwhile, Democrats are hiding the ball on specific PERS reforms, quite understandably, until the Ways and Means picture is clearer.

My brother is 22 years old and mentally ill with social anxiety on the scale of agoraphobia (officially diagnosed). He’s made significant progress in the past few years, but he’s stuck on the fact that he’s a virgin and is convinced that he’s not going to make any real social progress until that’s no longer a fact.

The opportunity to study abroad comes once in a lifetime. It is an opportunity to learn about unfamiliar and unique cultures, and in doing so, gain perspective into one’s own culture.

Lane County has pulled out all the stops on promoting Goshen as an up and coming industrial job center for Lane County. But before we go ga-ga over Goshen I’d like Lane County to answer a few questions.

The other paper in town reported that the proponents of a county tax levy to run the jail said that the extra money would “possibly cut the number of early releases of jail inmates.” Well, that’s almost enough to make me possibly consider voting for the measure.

The last time you tried to explain why you support marriage equality, did you mention civil rights? Justice? Equal access to benefits? Did you call it “gay marriage?”

DEAR READERS: I’m off this week. To tide all of your hot and/or kinky and/or sore asses over, here’s a column I wrote 15 years ago. Some newer readers might’ve missed this column when it originally appeared — some of you who were still in grade school, diapers, or amniotic sacs back in 1998 — so I’m rerunning it now because I still get questions about “gerbiling” on a daily basis.  — Dan

 

When we did PERS reform in 2003, we didn’t attach it to the budget as severely as you’re seeing in this 2013 version of the Hot Air Society. It’s stunning to see both parties and two branches of state government simultaneously tying the funding of education, public safety and human services so tightly to one target.

I’m an actor in New York City. A lot of people think actors are whores, but last week I almost became one. I responded to a casting call for a film project called Sniff. The ad — on Playbill’s website — called for two male actors to film a short scene. The pay was $100 for a day’s work. I was e-mailed the scene to study. It starts with two male roommates chatting on a couch. The bigger, more muscular roommate confronts the smaller, scrawnier roommate about his obsession with socks.

Watching ducks on the Delta Ponds keeps me entertained. Shovelers continue their circle dances this month, the males trying to pair bond before heading north in April for nesting season. You still have time to experience this courtship ritual unless you choose the rare sunny morning when they line up on a log to bask in the warm rays.

A play celebrating the life of Paul Robeson March 8 and 10 at the Lane Community College main campus will benefit the LCC Black Student Union (BSU) scholarship fund. Dr. Stanley Coleman, a director and actor now on the faculty at LCC, plays Paul Robeson in the one-man Broadway play by Phillip Hays Dean. 

During the first two months of any Oregon legislative session, early in the game, the fringe usually shows up. Single-issue, uncompromising intimidators beat their wedge issue drums for all to hear.

My girlfriend and I read your column religiously, and I have you to thank for being comfortable enough with my kinks to tell her about my interest in BDSM. She is very GGG and has indulged all my kinky fantasies and discovered some of her own. Our latest adventure has her locking up my dick in a CB-6000 male chastity device. The play/sex has been super-fun so far, but we want to be aware of any health and safety concerns, specifically damage to my penis. We’ve had the device for almost a week, and I’ve been doing a ton of research.

Everyone knows Salem is the official site of the Hot Air Society, and currently all 90 members, both chambers, meet at the state Capitol building. However, Eugene has its own version, called HASSLES, the Hot Air Society of South Lane, Eugene and Springfield.

“Sequester” means “Help! We don’t know what the hell we’re doing up here.”

I am writing about a friend. By all appearances, he is straight. However, on more than one occasion, he has gotten drunk and tried to hook up with a transvestite or a person who could have been one. In one instance, he went to a club and was approached by a really masculine-seeming girl who proceeded to give him head. My friend, in his drunken state, reached into her pants and felt for a pussy only after she started giving him head.

The first “Alternatives” class at the Osher Lifetime Learning Institute (OLLI) began with our watching an informative TED talk by Richard Wilkinson on how economic inequality harms societies.

No more “Insider Baseball.” I’m not an insider any more, and my knees don’t allow for softball, much less baseball. But I continue to watch the Salem political game from afar; shoveling horse pucky here in the south hills of Lane County and reflecting on the days when horse pucky was my day job in the Legislature. 

According to the new city ordinance governing student parties, a lot of law-breaking can go on at these events: “Some of the typical offenses include obstruction of public streets, assault, menacing, harassment, disorderly conduct and criminal mischief.” And those are just the offenses committed by the police.

A PROGRAMMING NOTE: I hosted a live taping of the Savage Lovecast in Seattle on Valentine’s Day, and it went great—thanks to all who came (especially to the five boys who left with butt plugs in their butts)—but I made the mistake of having a drink or five afterward, and I’m so fucking hungover right now that I shouldn’t be sitting upright, much less giving advice. But deadlines are deadlines. So here we go…

 

Why do mosses and lichens fall out of the trees in winter? Close to the end of every year, clumps of moss and lichen appear around almost every oak and maple tree in town. These are the branch species, different from terrestrial mosses and lichens. It is most prominent in parks where the lawn hasn’t been mowed since late fall. For years I attributed the lichen rain to wind storms, but that never struck me as the whole story. A comment in the Mount Pisgah Arboretum newsletter by its caretaker made a light go on in my head.