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Lighten Up

April 3, 2014

Eugene City Councilor Chris Pryor claims that for purposes of city aid there are the people homeless by circumstances and people homeless by choice. The first group deserves some city help, as long as it costs no money. The second group does not deserve the time of day, and as the theory goes, they are not technically homeless. Its members have chosen to sleep in doorways and under bridges in rain and snow — presumably, for the hell of it.

March 20, 2014

Bank robbery photos are pretty bad. You would never want to frame one.

March 6, 2014

Opponents of gay marriage are trying to get a measure before Oregon voters that would allow florists, photographers and bakers to refuse to provide goods or services for same-sex weddings. Supporters say that providing these things to such events would violate their members’ “deeply held religious beliefs.” I’m wondering what religion would cast a person into hell for baking a cake.

February 27, 2014

Perhaps the best news coming out of the just-released auditor’s report on the shenanigans in Lane County government is that the Republicans on the Board of County Commissioners acted more like Sarah Palin than like Chris Christie.

February 20, 2014

The latest Republican charge against Obamacare is that it will make people lazy. That’s speculation. What we already know is that just the thought of Obamacare has made conservatives crazy.

January 23, 2014

Those who think the city has no plan for dealing with the Whoville homeless camp are wrong. The city has a well-thought-out plan. Step one is to let the camp operate for several months while keeping an eye on it. If only a few problems show up, close the camp down. For best results, close it before there is an alternative site available. This way 50 homeless people get dumped onto the downtown streets where they can get busy actually creating some problems. The beauty of it would impress Chris Christie.

January 16, 2014

If the reason the Lane County commissioners are not releasing the Richardson report is to avoid lawsuits, what are they calling the court proceedings filed over the report first by the local paper and now by former commissioner Bill Fleenor?

January 9, 2014

Humor is everywhere. This came from a church bulletin: “The Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday from 7 to 8:30 pm. Please use the back door.”

January 2, 2014

Looking for a needle in a haystack is like looking for a needle in a haystack. Are you listening, NSA? 

December 26, 2013

I read that some countries are switching to plastic money. It’s about time. The stuff people will spend it on has been made out of plastic for years.

December 19, 2013

Rush Limbaugh’s calling Pope Francis a Marxist for criticizing capitalism is no big deal. That’s just Rush getting bent out of shape when he feels someone has attacked his religion.

December 12, 2013

After this past weekend, I’m glad that most folks in the climate-change movement have stopped referring to it as global warming.

November 27, 2013

The story that recycled bottles are made into new ones turns out to be a myth. It ranks up there with the one that the toilet was invented by Thomas Crapper.

November 14, 2013

The mess involving the nation’s new health insurance websites makes us wonder how we managed health care before Al Gore invented the internet.

November 7, 2013

When the shepherd wants to know what his sheep think of his ideas on gay marriage, birth control and other social issues, you know there is a new kind of pope in town. 

October 24, 2013

If President Lyndon Johnson had been around to see the House Republicans refusing to reopen the government until they got some concession for their efforts, he would have advised them, “While you’re saving your face you’re losing your ass.”

October 17, 2013

The bad news is that the Congress members who shut down the government are still being paid. The good news is that the nation no longer needs an immigration plan. The Republicans have the country so screwed up that even immigrants here legally have begun to self-deport.

October 10, 2013

When you see the UO athletic department pricing ordinary fans out of Autzen and dumping local longtime suppliers of goods and services in favor of big out-of-state firms, you can tell that the Ducks have been winning too many games.

October 3, 2013

The only good that will come out of this government shutdown is that it will be much easier now to find parking in D.C.

September 26, 2013

A recent survey ranked UO as 20th among the nation’s best party schools. With Capstone’s Animal House Plus coming on line, watch for Oregon to break into the top 10.

September 19, 2013

After the Lane County commissioners passed an ordinance setting the hours that the Wayne Morse Free Speech Plaza would be open (6 am to 11 pm) and cutting back its space to the smaller 71’ X 73’ terrace, they might as well have renamed it Jack in the Box Terrace. 

September 5, 2013

Should it be called football when the third-ranked team in the nation lures a ragamuffin team —  that managed two wins in two years — to its stadium with the promise of big bucks and then crushes the hapless opponents 66-3? Sounds more like child abuse.

August 29, 2013

Did you know that if Sen. Ted Cruz renounced both his Canadian and U.S. citizenship he would qualify to be a Cuban citizen? The best job for him may be ambassador to the United Nations.

August 22, 2013

Phil Knight funds some fine athletic facilities on the UO campus. I just wish he would stop using Donald Trump as a design consultant.