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Living Out

August 6, 2014

Marriage apartheid’s over in our state (woo hoo!) so there’s no reason to continue referring to my lawfully wedded wife as “my partner.” I should call her “my wife,” but I still catch myself saying “partner.” I did it just the other day when I was explaining why I needed my laptop screen replaced and told the tech guy that my partner stepped on it. I gauged the situation in that second-nature queer safety-check thing we do, and added, “She feels pretty bad about it.” 

May 29, 2014

But is it enough? A group of Oregon’s anti-gay Christians, going by the catchy name “Friends of Religious Liberty” (an offshoot of the homo-hating Oregon Family Council) want more freedom than that. They want their very own special freedom — the freedom to discriminate.

April 17, 2014

We’ve been at this equality and justice thing for a long time now. Seems like we should start prepping for our “Mission Accomplished” photo op. We’ve come so far.

But nope. Sorry. We’re not there yet. 

November 27, 2013

My custom each year in this month of November

Is taking time out to reflect and remember

To treasure my blessings, to offer my thanks

For the good things in life, such as not wearing Spanx


No need to contain, or squeeze in, or shape up

And my breasts do not have to live inside a cup

I’m thankful that most of the time I can be

Relaxed and at large, or in other words FREE


My body is fine as it is, I have learned

Though calories eaten exceed those I’ve burned

October 31, 2013

If life were fair, county commissioners who handed the taxpayers a redacted investigative report would get back a redacted paycheck.

October 3, 2013

Gotta hand it to the IRS. I don’t mean literally hand over your owed taxes — although unless you’re a valiant anti-war tax-resister doing civil disobedience, you probably should pay up, especially now that Obama is closing loopholes on tax-avoiding fat cats (no offense to felines of size). I’m saying hand some figurative credit to the Internal Revenue Service for growing a pair (that means ovaries, right?) and taking a stand for justice.

August 29, 2013

Every lesbian has a story. Not just the very few of us like Ellen and Wanda who have risen to actual stardom, but every one of us regular lesbos who has come out, bucked the patriarchy by being herself and continued to thrive in this male-dominated, misogynist world. We are so totally AWESOME!

In case anyone ever starts inducting us everyday dykes into some future Lesbian Hall of Fame, I want to get my application in. 

June 20, 2013

Homo headlines are popping. On the global scene, marriage equality now reigns in 14 countries. This spring New Zealand amended its Marriage Act, Brazil gave the green light to same-sex marriage, and France passed marriage equality, including equal adoption rights. The first to marry under France’s new law, Vincent and Bruno, exchanged vows and rings last week. Let’s hear it for liberté, égalité, fraternité! (Et sororité, for un peu more égalité.)

March 21, 2013

The last time you tried to explain why you support marriage equality, did you mention civil rights? Justice? Equal access to benefits? Did you call it “gay marriage?”

Wrong, wrong, wrong and waay wrong! Who knew?

I always thought the “liberty and justice for all” argument was a pretty good one. I mean our Constitution does guarantee equal justice under the law. But we can talk about equal rights and justice till we’re lavender-blue in the face — it just turns people off. At least the still-undecided voters. Dang.

January 17, 2013

The doorbell rang. I was grating an organic beet for our dinner salad, which we’d have as soon as Wifey got home from yoga. Ding-dong. A quick rinse swirled magenta beet juice down the sink. 

Dish towel in hand, I raced to the door. Sometimes the neighborhood tamale maker has her bilingual kid ask if I want to buy any, which I never do because we’re corn and gluten free. “Hello?” I called into the dark. A UPS truck drove away.

December 20, 2012

My fitness class lets me tune out life’s chaos and tune in to my body. Like me, the other women here focus on the workout, all of us sweating and grunting to the beat. Our group ranges from new moms to long-time widows, and all ages in between. A lot of us, like me, are in our 60s. As far as I know, I’m the only homo. But you wouldn’t know that to look at us. Except for a few ponytails and pinned-back buns, everyone has pretty much the same short haircut. Dykey. I fit right in.

October 3, 2012

Wifey biked home from work at her usual time, in the heat of a late summer afternoon. The screen door creaked. “Hi Honey, I’m homo!”

“Hullo, mine dahlink,” I finished washing dishes and grabbed a towel.

“How ya doin’ Shweetie Pie?” Keys jingled into their basket, her daypack plopped into a chair. 

She sure looked cute all sweaty and flushed, hair bent into yet another creative rendition of helmet head. 

September 19, 2012

I’m in the locker room, drying off after my morning workout. A woman in my fitness class opens her locker across from mine. We’d bonded today during our exercise routine, exchanging eye rolls over classmates’ chitchat while we were trying to concentrate on our crunches. One moment of shared frustration — a good as any foundation for friendship.

I pull on my T-shirt. “GSA?” she asks. She tilts her head and towels her hair, studying the silk-screened logo adorning my chest.

August 1, 2012

Remember when “queer” was an insult? I guess you can still use it if you’re feeling particularly retro, but in general most people are kinda over it. All those years of outing ourselves and parading through town chanting “We’re here, we’re queer, get used to it!” pretty much worked. 

April 18, 2012

You’d think any big grocery store in a city the size of Eugene, especially a store founded by a Jew like Fred Meyer, would stock plenty of kosher-for-Passover Passover food during Passover. You’d think.

March 15, 2012

I’ve been avoiding telling this story. First off, I’m not sure I can even say “butt hole” in print. 

With vocabulary options so limited, there’s no acceptable way to even mention, as we all learned in grade school astronomy, “Uranus” (even though, and I think I’m safe generalizing here, pretty much all of us have one).