Victoria Koch. Photo by Bob Keefer.

Universal Grief

Come together for this planet and for democracy

By Victoria Koch 

I lost my husband to cancer nine years ago this October. It hasn’t been easy. We were together for 38 years. We made it through the hard times; we made it through as parents raising an incredible daughter; we shared incredible hiking and road trip adventures; we shared our love of books and music and the ups and downs of life. And we loved each other every step of the way. 

I’ve been in grief groups, I’ve been to counseling, I travel and volunteer. I sing and do yoga and hike and walk and have incredible women friends, including several other widows. I still miss my dear person who gave me a place to belong, a place to be where I could communicate about anything and everything. I am still sad.

Since my husband has been gone, we have had one catastrophe after another. We had our first Trump presidency, which truly created an “us and them society.” I lost my true love, and all over the world — and especially in America — people started losing their ability to love and have compassion for one another. 

The Salvadoran asylum seekers I sponsor were treated like criminals rather than refugees yearning to be free. The rich started getting richer and the poor have become poorer. Families, children, education and overall social welfare were given a low priority. COVID-19 reared its ugly head and the early years were full of conspiracy theories and easy health remedies that never worked, while millions of people were dying. “At least Dad is missing all this,” thought my daughter and I. 

Currently, America’s very democracy is under attack. Wars have broken out and continue between Ukraine and Russia, Israel and Palestine, Gaza and Israel, Israel and Lebanon. Plus there is still a Yemeni civil war and a Syrian civil war. No wonder I still feel so sad and anxious. I certainly wish we here in America, and indeed all the world, could have a global grief gathering.

I wish we could come together as human beings and state that this continual killing and hate of each other and divisiveness has to stop! We need world counseling!

Do we really want to live under a dictatorship here in this blessed country of ours? Do we really want to hate each other because of the color of our skin or our ethnic backgrounds, different beliefs or who we choose to be or to love? 

I know my loss is only one of many losses from cancer, other illnesses, hurricanes, floods or school, church, shopping center, etc. shootings. Is gun control ever going to be a reality so our children can feel safer? Aren’t we merely just human beings after all trying to now live and survive on a planet that is crumbling before our very eyes due to climate change? 

And yes, climate change is real and we must come together and face this reality together. The universal grief for our dying planet is real. The universal need for love and kindness is real. The universal need to truly come together is real. This November we have an important election before us to define what kind of country we want the United States to be. Can we at least come together and vote!

Victoria Koch is a retired teacher, a writer, gardener and lover of the positive human spirit.