Weed Out Your Strain

Kermit and I may have broken up, but that doesn’t mean he stopped hooking me up with the green stuff. In our June Cannabis issue, EW promised to “investigate (smoke) a range of strains, noting their particular effects on brain and body” — all provided by Kermit, our go-to producer of medical marijuana.

In classic stoner style, EW smoked and forgot about it. And moi, EW’s most expensive and sophisticated writer, took the reins in classic Miss Piggy style, because as of Oct. 1, anyone over 21 with a valid ID can purchase up to a quarter-ounce of marijuana at medical dispensaries (see “Rolling It Out,” 9/24, for all the details).

Kermie wanted me to remind you of the most important thing when searching for a perfect high: Know thyself. Are you a jittery little froggy like Kermit? You’ll probably want to try the Indica strain, generally associated with gentler, more relaxing highs.

Or are you an invincible Wonder Woman like moiself? Steer towards the Sativa strain, which gives a more uplifting, energetic high and promotes imagination — not that I need any help.

But maybe you’re more of an idiot like Fozzie Bear, who can smoke anything and still not be funny, in which case, you don’t need me, you need a professional. Bah! I tease. Try a hybrid of the two.

On Kermit’s menu first is Alion Hybrid, aka “Snoop’s Cut,” a combo of Master Kush, Blue Dream and Alien Kush with 75 percent Indica plant and 25 percent Sativa — meant to produce a “psychoactive euphoria,” according to notes from Kermit, followed by a sedative body high. Kermie is not so sure about that euphoria, which is why he prefers Orange Skunk or Grand Daddy Purps. Skunk gives a floaty, frothy high, like “smoking clouds” — the high is mild and tender and sweet, like the frogman himself. For those tougher showbiz days, Kermit goes straight to the Purps, the classic strain that melts your face and helps you sleep and eat — god knows he needs to gain weight.

On to me, finally, and my Sativa-dominant strains! Jack Herer, a strain named after the late “Emperor of Hemp,” is a splice of Northern Lights and Shiva Skunk. Some say it’s too strong, but not for formidable me. I found it blissful, beautiful and light and … and … I forget. Moving on to Blue Dream, a Blueberry and Haze hybrid. I like to smoke this in the makeup chair when I’m practicing lines; it’s cerebral but lucid, and gives you a little jolt in the morning.

But my ultimate everyday sticky icky is CBD Kush. It’s like swimming in a warm pool — mellow, relaxing and helps diffuse pain and spasms. Thank god for Kush after teetering in these heels all day.

We can’t all be Wonder Woman, so remember, smoke and consume responsibly and educate yourself.

A Note From the Publisher

Dear Readers,

The last two years have been some of the hardest in Eugene Weekly’s 43 years. There were moments when keeping the paper alive felt uncertain. And yet, here we are — still publishing, still investigating, still showing up every week.

That’s because of you!

Not just because of financial support (though that matters enormously), but because of the emails, notes, conversations, encouragement and ideas you shared along the way. You reminded us why this paper exists and who it’s for.

Listening to readers has always been at the heart of Eugene Weekly. This year, that meant launching our popular weekly Activist Alert column, after many of you told us there was no single, reliable place to find information about rallies, meetings and ways to get involved. You asked. We responded.

We’ve also continued to deepen the coverage that sets Eugene Weekly apart, including our in-depth reporting on local real estate development through Bricks & Mortar — digging into what’s being built, who’s behind it and how those decisions shape our community.

And, of course, we’ve continued to bring you the stories and features many of you depend on: investigations and local government reporting, arts and culture coverage, sudoku and crossword puzzles, Savage Love, and our extensive community events calendar. We feature award-winning stories by University of Oregon student reporters getting real world journalism experience. All free. In print and online.

None of this happens by accident. It happens because readers step up and say: this matters.

As we head into a new year, please consider supporting Eugene Weekly if you’re able. Every dollar helps keep us digging, questioning, celebrating — and yes, occasionally annoying exactly the right people. We consider that a public service.

Thank you for standing with us!