By Savannah Clown

I must begin by saying that this trinket-hunt article was born from my biggest relationship problem: I’m set to inherit my great-grandmother’s clown collection. 

Since the Great Depression, she has been accumulating clown figurines, paintings, costumes and other clown-related knick-knacks, because clowns made her happy. She knows that I, too, have been collecting figurines since I was a young teenager, so she’s willed me her assortment for when her time comes. 

Here’s the rub. Clowns don’t make my boyfriend (of three years) happy. He hates clowns. And he says I have too many knick-knacks. “We’re not going to decorate our entire apartment in clowns,” he says, because he thinks that they are “visually unappealing,” whatever that means. He does not approve of dozens more smiley porcelain houseguests than we already have. “I don’t think I’m being unreasonable,” he adds.

We live together, and we’re very happy otherwise, but this issue has grown so ablaze for us that it’s almost Dr. Phil worthy. My great-grandmother is 91-years-old, so we’re in a constant race between finding a solution and facing inevitability. 

For the time being, I’ve made the choice to take a break from buying clowns and other fun, weird and fancy figurines, just to keep peace in the household. But if I were to go on a shopping spree, here’s where I would clown around:

Time Travelers Antique Mall in Springfield and Retro Rejuvenation in Coburg are my favorite types of stores. They are both seemingly endless buildings, packed wall-to-wall and everywhere else, with tons of vintage clothes, antiques, trinkets, marionettes and, yes, clown figurines from all over the world. Time Travelers co-owner Julie Lucas says that her shop (the biggest antique mall in Lane County)  is “13,000 square feet of vintage, antiques, retro and collectibles. We have 53 vendors who are very knowledgeable about their items.”

With the sheer amount of items, the pricing varies greatly. Both carry plenty of shelves with 1950s knick knacks ranging from $3 to $10, and also quite a few $50-plus treasures (I’ve seen an original cymbal banging monkey doll at Time Travelers for $199). The window shopping alone is enough to spend hours wandering.

Trash-n-Treasures Antiques & Collectibles in Springfield is a great place for pop culture finds. While I’ve personally added to my (ironic) collection of “Nixon Now” pins here, this is a go-to stop for vintage Disney statues, movie and celebrity action figures, Coca-Cola merchandise, Tonka Trucks and an entire Star Wars corner dedicated to original 1977–1985 collectibles. Along with other odds-and-ends that are worth checking out, you can rest assured that clowns will be spotted among the various collections. While there are definitely spendier items, the store typically strays towards the $30-and-under category.

Little Shop of Hoarders in Springfield is a place that makes me smile just from the name, and it only gets bigger whenever I go inside. The shop is, in a word: eclectic. Every antique, collectible and piece of memorabilia is either hilarious or haunted (or both), but each will make you wonder where they came from, and where in your house you’ll be able to fit them. The pricing, straying modestly towards $30 and under, makes it hard not to be a hoarder.

The Crypt, also in Springfield, caused a huge amount of trouble in my relationship paradise. Though I’ve been pretty good about my statue diet, I cheated just a little bit at The Crypt, which is a gothic oddity store full of band and movie posters, taxidermied animals, ouija boards, creepy dolls/statues. Basically, just cool stuff all around (if you’re into that). They carry lots of clown statues and marionettes, many of which are for sale, and some not. I bought a  beautiful porcelain jester for $10. My argument that it wasn’t technically a clown did not suffice with my boyfriend, who placed it facing the wall, in the corner he designated for my “undesirables.”

St. Vinnie’s everywhere. When I asked The Crypt where they got all of their awesome clown stuff (particularly a really cool clown swinging over the window that was not for sale), I was pointed toward St. Vincent de Paul. While I searched tirelessly and failed for St. Vinnie’s clowns in research for this story (perhaps The Crypt and I bought them all out?), I will forever walk through their knick-knack shelves every time I’m out secondhand shopping. More than any other, this legendary Lane County thrifting juggernaut is the best to carry the cute, wholesome (sometimes creepy adjacent) grandma figurines that you weren’t allowed to touch when you were little. 

From a tiny glass cow holding a cherry pie that says “I love you cherry much,” to the countless Little Bo Peeps, sailor boys and cheap antique dogs with the paint worn out of their eyes so as to have no soul, St. Vinnie’s is a perfect place to take home a little porcelain friend to sit on your mantle. The biggest plus is that St. Vinnie’s figurines range from about $3 to $8, and the ones in the display cases typically won’t go over $20. 

Because, for now, I only shop with wanting eyes and do not act upon my knick-knack desires, I urge you, Eugene Weekly readers, to shop in these spots so I may live vicariously through you. Give these little guys a home because I can’t. Maybe one day I’ll see you there, after my boyfriend and I “figure” this clown mess out. 

Time Travelers Antique Mall is at 2020 Main Street, Springfield, and open 11 am to 6 pm Monday through Saturday and noon to 5 pm on Sunday, 541-357-5468. Retro Rejuvenation is at 32697 East Pearl Street and open 11 am to 4 pm Wednesday through Sunday, 541-954-3011. Trash-n-Treasures Antiques & Collectibles is at 440 Main Street, Springfield, and open 10 am to 6 pm Wednesday and Thursday and noon to 6 pm Friday to Sunday, 541-726-9656. Little Shop of Hoarders is 2251 Main Street, Springfield, and is open 11 am to 4 pm Monday through Saturday and 11 am to 3 pm on Sunday, 541-914-1718. The Crypt is at 226 7th Street, Springfield, and is open Friday through Monday, noon to 6 pm. St. Vincent de Paul Thrift store and organization headquarters at 2890 Chad Drive, 541-687-5820. Fifteen retail outlets in western Oregon include several thrift stores and a used-car lot in Eugene, SVDP.us.