The birds are chirping, the wind is blowing and the sun is sliming. That can only mean one thing: The newest SLUG queen has been given her mossy crown. 

On August 8, after a rigorously sluggish beauty pageant, Eugene comedian and local celebrity Jen Jay — aka, Hilaria Gastrognome, but her friends call her Larry — was crowned as the latest monarch of the Society for the Legitimization of Ubiquitous Gastropods. Absolutely dripping pink head-to-toe, her first message as Queen is: “Ooze the change you want to see in the world. And take gnome mercy!”

The SLUG queen beauty pageant is one of the things that makes Eugene exactly what it is: a cultural hub of hippie ridiculousness. Miss America, Miss Universe and Miss World can all go to sleep, because our little city hosts this pageant to find the slimiest slug to act as the “unofficial goodwill ambassador of Eugene,” to appear at tons of Eugene events and work with the nonprofit of their choice. 

During her one year SLUG queen “rain,” Larry will be working closely with the nonprofit Community Outreach through Radical Empowerment, or CORE, which seeks to serve youth ages 16-29 who are in need. “It’s a cause that’s near and dear to my heart,” she says.

Originating in 1983 in an act of rebellion towards the decidedly bland idea of the annual Eugene Celebration instead of a SlugFest, the SLUG queen pageant has become a Eugene institution. Every year, people of all kinds work tirelessly to develop their “slugsonas,” complete with an elaborate costume, gimmick and a name. They then compete in a series of competitions similar to a beauty pageant, and the winner is chosen by a selection of the old queens (because you never stop being a SLUG queen. After your one year “rain” as queen, you become an old Queen, and eventually, a very old queen…and then a very very old queen and so on).

This year’s pageant had all the slimy oozing quirks to be expected. With seven total competitors, Larry had very stiff (well, soft-bodied) competition. The first part of the pageant is the introductions, and each and every one swirled and twirled for the audience in all of their slithering glamor. 

Then there is the talent portion. Larry started off the evening with her comedic stylings. “I think slugs are responsible for all of the snow plow racket around here. That’s why they don’t salt the roads!” Afterward, Caffeinata Nosherella (aka Ellen Singer), donning a gorgeous handmade dress of Folgers labels (and a matching mug-shaped hat to boot), blessed the crowd with a coffee-themed parody medley, starting off with “Don’t worry, drink coffee.”

There was an interactive song from Marcel Slugasso (Peter Almeida), a dramatic re-enactment of Isadora Douglas’ death from Incontentia PlasterSlug (Joi Cardinal), while Jelly Lady (Tina Matula) simply gave the judges her homemade raspberry tarts and a jar of homemade jelly. That last one is a perfectly legal move, by the way. Bribery is heavily encouraged. For instance, Wannabe SLUG Queen Drag King Luke N. GOO’d bribed all of the old queens with a crisp handshake, while Larry gifted each judge with a hand-painted snail and two tickets to one of her comedy shows. 

Goo’d, who is performed by Eugene Drag King Luke N. Good, who is, in turn, performed by Sarah Majercin, was the pageant’s first runner-up. He stole the show with his fantastic lip-sync of a famed Tumblr song about the forbidden love between a slug and a snail. The song was aptly titled “Take me to Snurch.” 

“It’s really cool chatting with all the other queens and seeing this whole community,” GOO’d says. “I feel really good about this competition, and Jen Jay is a hilarious comedian.” But next year, GOO’d promises that his act will be bigger and better because “I’m coming for the crown.”

After the talent portion is the question round, where old queens ask each of the wannabe queens very crucial questions about the state of the world. This led to Larry saying that with her selenite wand she would manifest “equality among humans and warm moss for every slug,” GOO’d revealing that his dream slug superhero is “Pedro Molluskal.”

This pageant also marked the end of current Queen Sitara Titanium Slugshine’s rain. Slugshine — aka, Joanie Kent — gave a powerful send-off and paid homage to her scoliosis by doing a dance dressed as a skeleton. During her rain she had many accomplishments. “I went all around Eugene and Lane County. I did the Ceilie Irish Dance. I did the Bark in the Park with my little disabled dog, and I raised $222 for the Scoliosis Research Society,” she says. “I had the most slimetastic time.”

As for Larry, she says that during her campaign “I spent a lot of time thinking about goodwill, and that was my favorite part.” Now that the crown is hers, “I’m so happy to be queen. I can’t wait to highlight social justice causes and spread goodwill.”