Author: Jerry Diethelm

Jerry’s Predictions 2013

Weiners, losers and sheep guts ahead

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And it is written that: More and more polytheistic people will worship the plastic goddess Polly. Concealed whistle checks will be required for all government workers. And on the stand, the U.S. government will, instead of taking the Fifth, continue to take the Fourth. The NSA will create a vast meta-database of toilet flushes, mega-clip newspaper predictions, adopt Snoopy as its mascot and tag X-Box rats in recycled data dumps.  Continue reading →

Emerald Canal Diary

Reviving a visionary idea for Eugene

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EDITOR’S NOTE: This is a reprint of a column we ran June 30, 2005, and we think it’s as relevant today as it was eight years ago. Dear Diary: People have been asking me of late if it isn’t time we thought again about building the Emerald Canal. I usually respond with a “Don’t hold your breath unless you can hold it for years or some such,” but they are persisting.  Continue reading →

A Plethora of Predictions

Shaggy dogs, claw-backs and suffering boehners

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1. Hurricane Cassandra (aka “Sandy”) will again send advance warning of her return to the East Coast but no one will believe her. 2. Ice skating in hell will create new converts to the seriousness of climate change. 3. PERS retirees will be forced to wear a scarlet P on their chests, and retiring members in the private sector will be arrested for showing inadequate envy. 4. Walmart executives will lobby for a change to the U.S. Constitution – the part calling for “a more perfect union.” Continue reading →