By Emily Athena
It’s that time of year again! Time to review 2021 and envision what we want for 2022. Often, our resolutions are about daily habits, work and self care. But have you ever thought of making resolutions for your sex life?
Two questions to ask yourself when making sex resolutions are:
What do I want to stop doing?
What do I want to try?
Pro-tip: Frame your resolutions as inquiries instead of demands. Resolutions are statements that we assume will make us feel better. But how can we know until we try? Instead of placing a demand on yourself (I will…), inquire what it would be like to try something new (What if I…). Treat your resolutions as fun experiments, not boring rules.
Need some ideas for your experiments? Check out these 10 sex resolutions to make 2022 your happiest and hottest year yet!
Redefine Sex. You might be thinking that it’s hard to make sex resolutions if you’re not having any. However, if you want to have more sex, maybe you could try expanding your definition of sex. If more activites count as sex then your chances of having sex increase, as does your sexual variety. On the other hand, if you rarely want sex, expanding your definition of it provides more possibility that something you want counts as sex.
Stop tolerating. Make 2022 the year you stop tolerating pain or discomfort during sex. Or putting your pleasure last. Or anything else that you simply endure surrounding your sexually. While it might seem like no big deal at the moment, over time, this practice erodes your self-worth and desire.
More pleasure, more of the time. When you focus on small pleasures throughout the day, the transition from mundane life to erotic life becomes quicker and smoother. Pleasure is the antidote to stress. You can use simple, embodied, everyday pleasures to calm stress, practice staying in your body, and keep one foot in the erotic door at (almost) all times. For example, when hearing your favorite song! Let yourself savor how good it sounds, and notice what sensations in your body tell you that you like it. Focus on those and breathe them through your body.
Discover your erotic atmosphere. Do you know your ideal internal state and external scene for you to get aroused? That makes up your erotic atmosphere! Once you know what it is, you have the power to create it and get turned on whenever you want.
Prioritize solo sex. Even if you are in a relationship, it is essential to keep a connection to your sexuality that is just for you. If you aren’t having sex with others, this is where all the good stuff is! Self-pleasure is an important self-love practice and one to consciously nurture your entire life.
Start talking. Practice your verbal sexual communication. Talking about sex with a trusted friend, partner, or professional can dissolve shame around it. It’s also a great way to learn about your partner on a deeper level! As famous podcaster, Emily Morse of Sex with Emily says, “Communication is a lubrication.” I couldn’t agree more.
Try a new toy. Take a trip to an adult pleasure store and let yourself explore. See what draws your attention. Consult the knowledgeable staff. And select (at least) one new toy to play with this year.
Explore your largest sex organ: your mind! Your mind can turn you on like wildfire or stop an orgasm dead in its tracks. Learning how your erotic mind works is a powerful tool to enhance your pleasure. Try mindfulness, embodiment practices, reading erotica and exploring fantasies.
Explore your second largest sex organ: your skin! Your whole body is sensual. You can experience sexual pleasure all over your body, not just on your genitals. Start exploring a variety of touch all over your skin, perhaps with some new sensation toys, and map new pathways to your pleasure.
Seek support. Our sexuality is inextricably tied to our humanity. When you encounter sexual issues, it can negatively affect your whole life. Luckily, sex therapy, education and coaching are growing professions. Help is far more accessible than ever before. Make 2022 the year you seek support, shed shame, and learn how to have the best, most empowered, sex of your life!
Emily Athena is part of The Eugene Intimate Health Center, a sex educator at As You Like It, and a somatic sex coach in private practice. She is the founder of EroSpark Movement, somatic sensual movement to ignite your aliveness. Learn more at emilyathena.com and erosparkmovement.com.