by Gustavo Arellano

Dear Readers: Your faithful Mexican is putting the final touches to his coming magnum opus, Taco USA: How Mexican Food Conquered America (out April 2012) and is thus at the rancho, getting handmade tortillas made by his chica in pigtails while I work on rewrites. But instead of a Best Of columna, I’ve decided to print excerpts from one of my all-time favorite reader interactions. Remember back in 2007, when I asked ustedes who are half-Mexican and half-something else to tell us what you call yourselves? The brilliant, hilarious responses offered show how genius the Mexi brain truly is. Space doesn’t allow your local rag to print all the responses, but below are just some of the best. You can find the full list online at http://wkly.ws/13k — in the meanwhile, enjoy and see you in una semana!

 If you’re half-Mexican and. . .

Half-African: Afrijoles.

Half-anything: Inbetweener-beaner

Half-Arab: Garbanzo beaner, America’s worst nightmare.

Half-Armenian: Armexian.

Half-Australian: Aussican, Dingoles (say like frijoles), Fosters Especial, Mexi-roo, Ortegamite, Wallican.

Half-Black: Black beans, Blaxican, Bro-Vato, Choco-Taco, Choligger, Mack, Mexiblack, Mexicoon, Negrexican, HYPERLINK “http://www.ocweekly.com/related/to/Tino+Noir”Tino Noir, Watermexican, Wetblack

Half-British: Limey beans

Half-Cajun: Bayou Beaner, Mexi-Gumbo, Mexicajun, Red Beans & Rice.

Half-Canadian: Canexican.

Half-Caribbean: Carribeaner

Half-Chinese: Chexican, Chinacan, Chinkano, Combination Plate, Mexinese, rice ‘n’ beans, soy bean.

Half-Colombian: Skakirikan

Half-Cornish: Cornish tortilla.

Half-Costa Rican: Mextica (“tico” is a nickname for Costa Ricans).

Half-Creole: Creolican

Half-Croatian: Cro-Mex

Half-Czech: Czecano, Czex-Mex, Czexican, Mexislovakian.

Half-Eskimo: Mexkimo

Half-Filipino: ChicaPina (for Chicana and Pinay, which is a Tagalog slang term for Filipina), Chilipino, Filixan, Filitino, Flipamex, Flippican, JalaPinoy, Mexipino

Half-Flemish: Fletino.

Half-French: Frenchican.

Half-Gabacho: Amerilanga (combination of American and chilanga, nickname for someone from Mexico City), Caucano, Chicangüera, Gabaxicano, GMC (Gringo-Mexico cross), Güerexican, Latinglo, Mexiglos, Mixican, Pochingo (half-pocho, half-gringo), Whispanic, white bean

Half-German: Beanerschnitzel, chili kraut, Germexican, wiener beaner

Half-Greek: Greexican, Grec-Mex, Mexi-eek (I never said all of the nicknames were clever).

Half-Guamanian:Chamexorro (HYPERLINK “http://www.ocweekly.com/related/to/Guam”Guam natives are called Chamorros), Guamexican.

Half-Guatemalan: Chapano (chapínis a nickname for Guatemalans), Guacamex.

Half-Hawaiian: Jalapiña, pineapple salsa.

Half-Hippie: Hippsican

Half-Honky: Chichonky

Half-Hungarian: Bohunk-Beaner

Half-Indian (the India kind): Curry tamale

Half-Indian (the Indian kind): Apachichano, Cherocano, Cheyennexican, Commanchano, Mexiskin (half-Mexican, half-Redskin), Navacano, Navajole, Navajo Taco.

Half-Irish: Celtic Aztec, green bean, Irlandicanos, Leprecano, McBeaner, McSpic, HYPERLINK “http://www.ocweekly.com/related/to/Mick+Spic”Mick Spic, O’Beaner, Paddy-Mex.

Half-Italian: Mexican pizza, Mexitalian, Spicawop, Spic-talian, Wopsican

Half-Jamaican: Jamexican, Rastacan

Half-Japanese: Japanic, Mexanese

Half-Jewish: Jalapeño bagel, Jumex (also the name of a delicious Mexican fruit nectar drink), Kahlua-jewa, kosher burrito, Mexi-Jew

Half-Korean: Kimchicano, Kimchinero, Korexican, Mexirean. 

Half-Lebanese: Lebxican, Mediterraxican, Mexiterranean (for those from the Mediterranean region in general).

Half-Lithuanian: Baltican, Baltic pepper, Lexican, Mexicainis, Mexiuanian.

Half-Michigander: Michicano, Mixicano

Half-Nicaraguan: Nicatamal

Half-Norwegian: Lutefiskan, Mexinorske, Norskecan

Half-Oklahomian: Chokies, Okie-Frijoles.

Half-Pakistani: Mexistani.

Half-Panamanian: Panamex

Half-Peruvian: Lima Bean

Half-Polish: Bean Pole, Polo-Cholo, Polexican, Polexiqui (this particular gal was Yaqui Indian on her Mexican side; she also called herself a Mexipolaqui), Taco Polaco.

Half-Portuguese: Mexi-guese, Pork and beans.

Half-Puerto Rican: Bori-Mex, Messyrican, Mexiricaña, MexiRican, Porto-Mex

Half-Redneck: Rednexican, HYPERLINK “http://www.ocweekly.com/related/to/Redback+Networks+Inc.”Redback, Wetneck.

Half-Russian:Brown Russian.

Half-Salvadoran: Salvexican

Half-Samoan: Samexican

Half Scandinavian:Hispandinavian.

Half-Scottish: McRiguez, Scottsican

Half-Slavic: Slavspic.

Half-HYPERLINK “http://www.ocweekly.com/related/to/Somalia”Somali: Hot Somali.

Half-Swiss: Swexican, Swexicano.

Half-Thai:  Thaimex

Half-Turk: Turxican.

Half-Ukrainian: Borscheros, Cossackeros, Kievicans, Pysankeros.

Half-Vietnamese: Vietnamexican.

Half-White: Honky-Tonk, Gringateca, Mejiyanqui, Mexi-melts, Whics

One guy calls his kids a mick-mock-mex: quarter-Irish, quarter-Jewish (“mock” was apparently a Jewish epithet) and half-Mexican. Someone who is part-Mexican, -Italian and -Polish calls themselves a Mexpotalian. 

Other Latinos also joined the game. A half-Spanish, half-American called himself “spam,” a Cuban Jew goes by Jewban, while a Peruvian from Minnesota describes herself as a Minneruvian. Meanwhile, a Puerto Rican from New York insisted thatdominicanos were half-Dominican, half-anus (ano is “anus” in Spanish). And a half-Indian, half-Jew wrote in at the last moment with his moniker: Gandhistein. But the final, wisest word goes to a full-blooded gabacho: How about an American, like all of us mutts?

 

Don’t see your nickname? Email me, and I’ll include it.

 

Get all your Mexican fun at myspace.com/ocwab, youtube.com/askamexicano, or send your questions to themexican@askamexican.net!