These past weeks, I’ve been feeling so left out by all the big (huge?) doings down at the southern border with the wall and all. But then it came to me: We can build a wall for Eugene, too — one of our very own! It will “Make Eugene Great Again,” with a specifically Northwest spin.
Here’s how it works … and, trust me, this will work!
This wall is going to keep the Cascadia Fault earthquake out. It’ll be made of steel slats and they’re super strong, so even though we’ll be able to see the earthquake coming, it’ll never get through.
Not all Eugeneans will automatically get how super smart this is, so we’ll need to do some public outreach. I’m thinking some photo ops featuring nice old ladies holding bowls of Jell-O, standing inside a prototype wall, while some other people jump up and down outside the wall as vigorously as they can. Jello-O won’t wiggle even a little. Point proved. Duh.
This won’t be easy. The sticks-in-the-mud at City Hall might not fund it, so we shut them and all of their stupid priorities like policing, street maintenance, etc. down until they play along.
We get Roseburg to pay for it. Most of it is already built anyway.
Who’s with me?
David Stucky
Eugene
A Note From the Publisher
Dear Readers,
The last two years have been some of the hardest in Eugene Weekly’s 43 years. There were moments when keeping the paper alive felt uncertain. And yet, here we are — still publishing, still investigating, still showing up every week.
That’s because of you!
Not just because of financial support (though that matters enormously), but because of the emails, notes, conversations, encouragement and ideas you shared along the way. You reminded us why this paper exists and who it’s for.
Listening to readers has always been at the heart of Eugene Weekly. This year, that meant launching our popular weekly Activist Alert column, after many of you told us there was no single, reliable place to find information about rallies, meetings and ways to get involved. You asked. We responded.
We’ve also continued to deepen the coverage that sets Eugene Weekly apart, including our in-depth reporting on local real estate development through Bricks & Mortar — digging into what’s being built, who’s behind it and how those decisions shape our community.
And, of course, we’ve continued to bring you the stories and features many of you depend on: investigations and local government reporting, arts and culture coverage, sudoku and crossword puzzles, Savage Love, and our extensive community events calendar. We feature award-winning stories by University of Oregon student reporters getting real world journalism experience. All free. In print and online.
None of this happens by accident. It happens because readers step up and say: this matters.
As we head into a new year, please consider supporting Eugene Weekly if you’re able. Every dollar helps keep us digging, questioning, celebrating — and yes, occasionally annoying exactly the right people. We consider that a public service.
Thank you for standing with us!
Publisher
Eugene Weekly
P.S. If you’d like to talk about supporting EW, I’d love to hear from you!
jody@eugeneweekly.com
(541) 484-0519
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