The Great and Powerful Oz, dba the city of Eugene, wants to pretend it cares to listen to the public’s input on its Potemkin “Town Square” concepts. So, how would y’all like to see police surveillance trailers everywhere, and nobody allowed out in any town squares unless they’ve submitted applications and are granted personal written preauthorization from Colonel Jon Ruiz himself, to be carried at all times?
This interim measure would only be in effect till all city plebeians could be micro-chipped and their every movement tracked with electronic bar codes.
City loudspeakers should constantly play recordings of angry birds squawking and screeching in the town squares. Maybe add moats with crocodiles too. The penultimate act of the council can be to declare human existence itself a health emergency and put the whole city under a permanent curfew lockdown.
They should fill in all the city sidewalks with rip-rap and boulders at that time, and task squadrons of police with arresting anyone caught outside of a structure after sundown without their Ruiz permit. Council can declare EPD to be Ruiz’s lictors.
The rubberstamp council can then officially abdicate, and vote that Colonel Ruiz be the de jure military Governor General of all Eugene, for life. He’s obviously such a very stable genius of high-quality opaque and autocratic leadership — the very best kingpin bureaucrat our local oligarchy can buy!
Who really cares about transparency and democratic values in their governments these days anyway? Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!
Mike McFadden
Eugene
A Note From the Publisher
Dear Readers,
The last two years have been some of the hardest in Eugene Weekly’s 43 years. There were moments when keeping the paper alive felt uncertain. And yet, here we are — still publishing, still investigating, still showing up every week.
That’s because of you!
Not just because of financial support (though that matters enormously), but because of the emails, notes, conversations, encouragement and ideas you shared along the way. You reminded us why this paper exists and who it’s for.
Listening to readers has always been at the heart of Eugene Weekly. This year, that meant launching our popular weekly Activist Alert column, after many of you told us there was no single, reliable place to find information about rallies, meetings and ways to get involved. You asked. We responded.
We’ve also continued to deepen the coverage that sets Eugene Weekly apart, including our in-depth reporting on local real estate development through Bricks & Mortar — digging into what’s being built, who’s behind it and how those decisions shape our community.
And, of course, we’ve continued to bring you the stories and features many of you depend on: investigations and local government reporting, arts and culture coverage, sudoku and crossword puzzles, Savage Love, and our extensive community events calendar. We feature award-winning stories by University of Oregon student reporters getting real world journalism experience. All free. In print and online.
None of this happens by accident. It happens because readers step up and say: this matters.
As we head into a new year, please consider supporting Eugene Weekly if you’re able. Every dollar helps keep us digging, questioning, celebrating — and yes, occasionally annoying exactly the right people. We consider that a public service.
Thank you for standing with us!
Publisher
Eugene Weekly
P.S. If you’d like to talk about supporting EW, I’d love to hear from you!
jody@eugeneweekly.com
(541) 484-0519
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