The Garage Sale Party

For Sale: A large pile of shit, accumulated since January 20, 2017. I’ve made many attempts to rid myself of this shit, but it won’t go away. I deal with it daily and the abiding stench can keep a fellow from both sleep and tranquility. I’m hoping someone out there will haul this shit to a far-away place — maybe Pluto — and dump it down a dark and very deep hole.

Why buy this sad product? Because this shit is exclusive to the Republican Party. Some day it might be historical. You might donate it to the Smithsonian, although I doubt they’d take it. Remember: It’s Republican shit — it contains only turkey, weasel and rat shit. Highly radioactive. I’m excluding bullshit, however, as that pile is so huge that shipping is impossible.

Sorry, I cannot warranty such a product, knowing just what components went into the messy and unspeakable process of producing it: cynicism, cronyism, corporatism, capitalism, narcissism, imperialism, greed, stupidity and hypocrisy. There are many others, but I’ve offered this list after a cursory examination revealed only the most visible components. It is an awful thing; I’m not into digging around. So — get it while you can! You, dear reader, can take home a treasure no one could ever admire, much less smell. No bidding up here — it’s going to the lowest bidder, someone with an inability to smell and, certainly, an inability to think. Bidding starts at minus one dollar and goes down. In other words, you’ve already lost…

Tom Erwin