Faced with hundreds of millions of dollars in civil penalties and the collapse of his real estate empire, former president Donald Trump is moving his base of operations from Florida’s Mar-A-Lago to downtown Eugene.

Earlier this month the Trump Organization quietly acquired ownership of the Crapstone Apartments at 13th and Olive Street. The building will be renamed “Trump Towers West,” according to a statement from the organization. Already signed on as tenants, the statement said, are a handful of Russian oligarchs, several Saudi princes and Oregon Congressional candidate Alek Skarlatos.

Still available for lease, Trump officials say, is the Vladimir Putin Democracy Suite, under construction on top of the five-story complex. The suite offers 14 bedrooms (“You can bring your entire family and your mistresses’ families as well!” a brochure says), all with solid-gold bathroom fittings and state-of-the-art surveillance equipment behind the ceiling mirrors above every bed. The 2,000-square-foot living room will have floor to ceiling windows (“certified bullet and car bomb proof!”) that offer a view of Autzen Stadium.

Meanwhile, Trump’s lawyers are negotiating a hostile takeover of the University of Oregon Athletic Department.

“That’s my kind of organization,” Trump said in an unexpected midnight phone interview with a startled Eugene Weekly intern who had sent Mar-a-Lago an email asking for comment on the report. “Everybody gets paid millions of dollars except for the players, who do all the actual work. This could be a model for the rest of America once I’m back in the White House.”