BY GUSTAVO ARELLANO
Dear Mexican: As a Mexican, I’m always ashamed of the fact that a lot of Mexican women just come to the U.S. to have babies and to utilize this country’s welfare. I know a lot of them that just keep having children and they do not pay a dollar for the hospital care. They even lie about their marital status so they can get all the benefits without having earned them! But my question is this: Am I culero to feel that way? Do I betray my Mexican sisters because I think that if they can’t support a family on their own, they should not populate at our system’s expense? Many of the people I know have had more than one baby!
Soy Culero
Dear I’m an Asshole: What’s a fact? That some illegal immigrants have children in this country? Duh. But to claim that said people live it up by popping out more niños is a myth as fanciful as Reagan’s welfare queen, unless your idea of Paradise is waiting for the sword of Damocles called la migra. You’re right in despising women who love spreading their legs yet can’t pay for the resultant kiddies or even a pinche condom, but don’t buy the hype that the vast majority of so-called “anchor babies” (also known as “United States citizens by virtue of the Constitution as upheld by the Supreme Court”) were born with the explicit intent of richening their parents. There’s a lot of anecdotal evidence regarding such Mexicans (shit, I know a couple such putas), but the Mexican has never seen any empirical evidence documenting that this is a phenomenon on the level of salsa being America’s top-selling condiment. Besides, illegal immigrants don’t qualify for most social assistance programs — only their children do, and those children are Americans,and it’s okay for Americans to use welfare per the Manichean arguments of anti-immigrant loons, so what’s the problem?
When I drive through my culturally diverse ‘hood, I can spot the Mexicans. Even in August in San Antonio, the garage door is up, the interior garage walls are painted some garish blue or yellow, the television is blaring some pro game, and a crowd of Mexicans are sitting in lawn chairs and swilling beer from the garage refrigerator. Since when did the room where you should park your cars become a social habitat for Mexicans? Why do Mexicans like to sit in their garages, in the sweltering heat, and think that they are having a great time?
White Boy with a Squeaky Clean Lexus IN the Garage
Dear Gabacho: Broder, you just described it. Whereas gabachos see a garage as a place to store their junk, cars and meth labs, Mexicans see endless possibilities. A lounge. Workplace. Abattoir. An extra room to rent out to a couple dozen strangers. Everything, really, except a parking spot — that’s what the lawn’s for.
SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION ALERT! Got a new book coming out in a month, cabrones: Orange County: A Personal History, my memoir of the most-Mexican-hating region in the Republic and the Reconquista. Learn the shocking truth about Mexicans learning English, attending college and becoming more American than nachos! Check this column for future invasion dates in your town!
Get all your Mexican fun at myspace.com/ocwab, youtube.com/askamexicano, or send your questions to themexican@askamexican.net!
A Note From the Publisher
Dear Readers,
The last two years have been some of the hardest in Eugene Weekly’s 43 years. There were moments when keeping the paper alive felt uncertain. And yet, here we are — still publishing, still investigating, still showing up every week.
That’s because of you!
Not just because of financial support (though that matters enormously), but because of the emails, notes, conversations, encouragement and ideas you shared along the way. You reminded us why this paper exists and who it’s for.
Listening to readers has always been at the heart of Eugene Weekly. This year, that meant launching our popular weekly Activist Alert column, after many of you told us there was no single, reliable place to find information about rallies, meetings and ways to get involved. You asked. We responded.
We’ve also continued to deepen the coverage that sets Eugene Weekly apart, including our in-depth reporting on local real estate development through Bricks & Mortar — digging into what’s being built, who’s behind it and how those decisions shape our community.
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None of this happens by accident. It happens because readers step up and say: this matters.
As we head into a new year, please consider supporting Eugene Weekly if you’re able. Every dollar helps keep us digging, questioning, celebrating — and yes, occasionally annoying exactly the right people. We consider that a public service.
Thank you for standing with us!
Publisher
Eugene Weekly
P.S. If you’d like to talk about supporting EW, I’d love to hear from you!
jody@eugeneweekly.com
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