Dear Mexican: Why do the Mexicans HATE American soccer and “hate” (bolded, underlined, and italicized) Landon Donovan?
— Uncle Sam’s Army Brat
Dear Gabacho: Because Mexicans hate Americans — DUH! Geez, this is the literary equivalent of taking a penalty kick at this year’s FIFA World Cup with no goaltender—but I also want to plug Gringos at the Gate, an upcoming documentary answering this very question with game footage and interviews with Mexican and American fútbol fanatics, former soccer stars and your humble scribe. I gave your question un cabezazo over to director Pablo Miralles, who delivered a bicycle kick of an answer (OK, OK: a yellow card for me for too many bad soccer metaphors). “On the first part: The average American doesn’t give a shit about fútbol, so how can they be as good or even better than us Mexicans, who are the most passionate and loyal fans?” Miralles told the Mexican. “As for Donovan, Mexicans will say that the hated comes from when, in 2004, he pissed on the field of the sacred Estadio Jalisco, home of the revered Chivas de Guadelajara. But the truth, I believe, is that when he won the Golden Boot at the 1999 Under-17 World Cup (being the first player from this part of the world to win such an honor) and later the Best Young Player at the 2002 World Cup, the realization for Mexican fans set in that, for the first time, the best player on the field when the United States played Mexico was NOT a Mexican. It’s one thing to be beat by a bunch of over-educated, hard-working, physical brutos, but the talent, the technical skill, the style—these are the attributes of El Tri. So how can it be this güero is winning these awards, think Mexican fans? Unacceptable!” Pablo: Your answer was a GOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!
Why the FUCK are American Latinos sooooo goddamn exclusionary? I cannot stomach ANOTHER Latino awards show. You think Caucasians could have shows like that? FUCK NO!!!! What really set me off was the seeing the beautiful and talentless Jessica Alba and others supporting a cause for Latino children medical causes. GOD DAMMIT, aren’t all kids deserving? Fuck all you assholes! REALLY!! FUCK YOU! If this pissed me off so much, what the FUCK does it do to exaggerate the freak Minutemen vigilantes? Please don’t patronize me by saying the separation is necessary for the advancement of Latinos, because I know better from experience.
— I Hate You, I Really, Really Hate You
Dear Readers: My promise to ustedes is to answer all of your preguntas, but some are better than others, and the lesser ones fall into the conejo hole for years — like this one. I can’t remember what awards show set off the wab, but I’m assuming it was something held by the fine National Hispanic Media Coalition. I do remember finding I Hate You’s vitriol mildly amusing over a pinche awards ceremony, as if any of them are paragons of modesty. And his reverse-discrimination claim over Alba (believe it or not, the Mexican’s third cousin once removed — now you know where she gets that big smile from!) and other Latino celebrities raising funds for chamacos would be funny if the medical needs of Latino kiddies weren’t so dire compared to gabachos. Finally, his bit about segregation? Markings of a pendejo — ethnic groups in America have celebrated their own culture in banquets and benefits since the Jamestown colonists put up their first post, and Mexi ceremonies of any kind (Raza college graduation, quinceañera, or a carne asada Sunday) have more than a few token gabachos. In fact, betcha you’ll find more gabachos at a wab hoedown than a country club wedding (sorry, but the help doesn’t count) on any given weekend. I Hate You’s letter, gentle readers, is a letter you shouldn’t write to the Mexican: angry, but with no real reason and yet not enough nastiness to make it truly distinctive. Want me to answer your pregunta sooner rather than later? Be more memorably stupid that I Hate You, be verbose, or write in about little people, Arpayaso, fake green cards, or anal sex.
Get all your Mexican fun at myspace.com/ocwab, youtube.com/askamexicano, or send your questions to themexican@askamexican.net!
A Note From the Publisher
Dear Readers,
The last two years have been some of the hardest in Eugene Weekly’s 43 years. There were moments when keeping the paper alive felt uncertain. And yet, here we are — still publishing, still investigating, still showing up every week.
That’s because of you!
Not just because of financial support (though that matters enormously), but because of the emails, notes, conversations, encouragement and ideas you shared along the way. You reminded us why this paper exists and who it’s for.
Listening to readers has always been at the heart of Eugene Weekly. This year, that meant launching our popular weekly Activist Alert column, after many of you told us there was no single, reliable place to find information about rallies, meetings and ways to get involved. You asked. We responded.
We’ve also continued to deepen the coverage that sets Eugene Weekly apart, including our in-depth reporting on local real estate development through Bricks & Mortar — digging into what’s being built, who’s behind it and how those decisions shape our community.
And, of course, we’ve continued to bring you the stories and features many of you depend on: investigations and local government reporting, arts and culture coverage, sudoku and crossword puzzles, Savage Love, and our extensive community events calendar. We feature award-winning stories by University of Oregon student reporters getting real world journalism experience. All free. In print and online.
None of this happens by accident. It happens because readers step up and say: this matters.
As we head into a new year, please consider supporting Eugene Weekly if you’re able. Every dollar helps keep us digging, questioning, celebrating — and yes, occasionally annoying exactly the right people. We consider that a public service.
Thank you for standing with us!
Publisher
Eugene Weekly
P.S. If you’d like to talk about supporting EW, I’d love to hear from you!
jody@eugeneweekly.com
(541) 484-0519