Senate Bill Cancels Eugene Weekly

Deep in the bowels of the recently passed American Rescue Plan is a provision that has officially canceled Eugene Weekly.

In a phone call with EW, Sen. Ron Wyden admits that he had to push for the provision after losing a one-on-one basketball game against Sen. Tommy Tuberville. Wyden says he had just watched Damian Lillard sink a three-pointer and was inspired to “ball out” for Oregon. Lillard is known for his signature “Dame Time” gesture when he wins games at the last minute.

“Look, ball is life,” Wyden says. “It was a tie game, and I had the chance to send Tuberville home. So as I dribbled, I pointed at my wrist and shouted out, ‘Dame Time.’”

Unfortunately, he adds, he missed.

Wyden played basketball in college and is known for referencing the sport to the media.

Wyden says if he had won, every Oregonian would have gotten free tickets to Trail Blazers’ games by taxing Tuberville’s estate. “Republican senators are really hurt that Mr. Potato and Dr. Seuss got canceled,” Wyden says, “I thought I could use that against them and have the chance to really deliver for Oregon.”

Although the estate of Dr. Seuss willingly ceased publishing of several books that aren’t even that great in the first place, Republicans vowed to retaliate because currently there aren’t enough books with pictures out there that promote casual racism.

No one knows what’s next after being canceled — whether it’s a Purgatory-like process of repentance or if EW just disappears, like in Marvel’s Avengers: Infinity War when Thanos used the Infinity Gauntlet to make half the universe’s population disintegrate.

But according to a recent survey, readers don’t mind that EW is canceled as long as the newspaper continues to print crossword puzzles, sudoku and enough pages to line their bird cages.

A Note From the Publisher

Dear Readers,

The last two years have been some of the hardest in Eugene Weekly’s 43 years. There were moments when keeping the paper alive felt uncertain. And yet, here we are — still publishing, still investigating, still showing up every week.

That’s because of you!

Not just because of financial support (though that matters enormously), but because of the emails, notes, conversations, encouragement and ideas you shared along the way. You reminded us why this paper exists and who it’s for.

Listening to readers has always been at the heart of Eugene Weekly. This year, that meant launching our popular weekly Activist Alert column, after many of you told us there was no single, reliable place to find information about rallies, meetings and ways to get involved. You asked. We responded.

We’ve also continued to deepen the coverage that sets Eugene Weekly apart, including our in-depth reporting on local real estate development through Bricks & Mortar — digging into what’s being built, who’s behind it and how those decisions shape our community.

And, of course, we’ve continued to bring you the stories and features many of you depend on: investigations and local government reporting, arts and culture coverage, sudoku and crossword puzzles, Savage Love, and our extensive community events calendar. We feature award-winning stories by University of Oregon student reporters getting real world journalism experience. All free. In print and online.

None of this happens by accident. It happens because readers step up and say: this matters.

As we head into a new year, please consider supporting Eugene Weekly if you’re able. Every dollar helps keep us digging, questioning, celebrating — and yes, occasionally annoying exactly the right people. We consider that a public service.

Thank you for standing with us!