Eugene Weekly : Savage Love : 6.23.11

Im a single 24-year-old gay actor/singer/comedian whos going to be a doctor in a few years ã I have varied interests ã and I think being in a porn flick would be really hot. I dont know what the ramifications of ramming on cam could be with regard to my future career. The field I want to go into is a very specific burgeoning branch of medicine generally unrelated to sex, but still involving patient care, and I want to be on the cutting edge of this type of medicine. I dont know how much the world of medicine pays attention to this sort of thing when checking up on prospective doctors. Thoughts?

Wants To Film Lusty Orgasmic Lovin

I dont know if appearing in porn will make going into medicine more difficult, WTFLOL, but it sure can fuck up a political career.


You know, for a few minutes it looked like Anthony Weiner was going to beat this thing. But the prudes and hypocrites ã in Congress and the media ã carried the day.

Back to you, WTFLOL: Considering the amount of time and money that you’re going to invest in becoming a doctor, and considering the recent moral panic about a few stray dick pics, I would advise you to err on the side of not appearing in commercial porn, which would require you to show your face. But go ahead and show everything else on an amateur porn site like XTube ã just edit out any shots that show your face and dont let the camera linger on any distinguishing features (a distinctive tattoo thats visible when you’re clothed, the parasitic twin that juts from your neck). And, hey, if you want to make porn, have it seen by thousands of people, not have it live forever online, and maybe win a big cash prize, you can enter HUMP!, my annual amateur porn festival. Details at

My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 years. A few years ago, he informed me that he was molested in high school by a teacher and was in a sexual relationship with this man until he met me. I dont have a problem with him being bisexual, but I do have a problem with him not having a problem with his molestation. He feels it was consensual; I feel this man preyed on him. He used to drink to avoid dealing with his emotions. He stopped drinking when he met me, but this secret causes him to have panic attacks. I help heal his wounds, but what do I get in return? Not what I want. I give him love and I accept him ã and he tells me that he doesnt want kids and doesnt want to marry me. He also hardly touches me. Were better friends than lovers. If I leave him, hell have no one. If I stay, I feel alone. We have fun and make each other laugh, so its not all bad. But Im pathetic, right?

Midwest Mess

Im going to get slaughtered for this: There are people out there who have panic attacks and drinking problems, dont want to get married or have children, are cold, distant, withholding “lovers,” etc., who werent molested by high-school teachers or anybody else. Im not saying that your boyfriends history is unrelated to his other issues ã I cant say that ã but if he doesnt regard that relationship as the source of all his troubles, MM, you should stop insisting that he feel terrible/victimized/damaged because thats how you think he should feel.

Are you pathetic? No, MM, you’re not. you’re in a relationship thats not living up to your expectations, and its making you unhappy. Now you have a big choice and a smaller subchoice to make: Either you can adjust your expectations and stay with this guy, MM, and try to appreciate the things he BRING’s into your life, or you can refuse to adjust your expectations and (1) be miserable in this relationship or (2) leave this guy and get out there and find someone else or die trying.

Im a 22-year-old male with a vaginal fisting fetish. I have yet to tell my girlfriend of three years about this. First, although were in love, no relationship is 100 percent guaranteed, and fulfilling this particular kink would result in drastic and permanent physical changes that could ruin her for anyone else if we dont make it. Second, Im not sure how to ask. I cant just say, “Hey, hon? Mind if I jam my arm in there?” Third, even if she were for it, I dont know where to start!

Fetishist In Serious Turmoil

First, at three years, all your kink cards should be lying faceup on the table. Shes not obligated to get into fisting to please you, as you’re aware, so you’re not going to “ruin her” just by broaching the subject.

Second, you say something like “I think vaginal fisting is hot and Im curious what you, the vagina-haver in this relationship, think about it.”

Third, Im tempted to say, “You start by removing your watch,” but no one wears a watch anymore and all wannabe vag-fisters should start by reading Deborah Addingtons A Hand in the Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting. (“If fisting ruined one for other partners, Id have been fucked outta luck a long time ago,” Addington said when I shared your e-mail with her. She recommends plenty of lube and lots of Kegels, if your girlfriend goes for it. “The only •drastic and permanent changes that occur are the changes of mind and body that come when one realizes how much pleasure one can have,” Addington continued. “Thats life altering. The stretched-out black-hole-of-doom is a myth. Im 46 and can still walk up a flight of stairs without dropping the Ben Wa Balls ã and that after plenty of fisting, with more than one partner.”)

Speaking of gaping orifices: Rick Santorum told CNNs Don Lemon that he has gay friends and he loves his gay friends and they love him back. The openly gay Lemon, oddly enough, did not demand names and contact information for these gay friends.

Id like to hear directly from the gays who love Santorum despite Santorums belief that gay people are no better than dog fuckers and child rapists, his promise to repeal the DADT repeal, his desire to write anti-gay bigotry into the US Constitution, his opposition to gay adoption, and his belief that consensual gay sex should be a felony. If Santorums gay friends love Santorum as much as Santorum loves his gay friends, Im sure they would be only too glad to speak to the media about their love of Santorum.

Santorum told Lemon that his imaginary gay friends prove that hes no homophobe. But if you believe ã as Santorum has said repeatedly ã that gays and lesbians are a threat to the family and a danger to the country, then you should be openly and proudly homophobic. So either Santorum is lying when he says were a threat to the family, a danger to the country, etc., or hes lying when he says he has gay friends.

Which is it, Rick?

IN OTHER SANTORUM NEWS: The number-one Santorum site ã ã is now being regularly updated by a smart group of new bloggers. For all your Santorum/santorum news, head to!


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