Finding connection these days is rough. It’s messy, complicated and feels almost impossible.
If you work up the nerve to approach someone (which takes forever on its own), you see if they like you, then hang out before heading to the privacy and intimacy of your apartment. But what do you do if the vibe isn’t there?
After a career change from nursing to full-time musician, local neo-folk singer Apis Mellifera noticed how finding someone with whom she shared musical compatibility with felt depressingly similar to the hopeless dating scene.
She needed a band, but had trouble finding anyone to meet up and jam with. She decided to embrace the mess, and threw a musical speed dating event so she and others could meet their musical soul mates. Since 2024, many artists, such as animist folk rock musician Forest Mountain Lion and indie folk drag artist Lazarus Pearl have made long lasting musical partnerships at the annual event. Musical Speed Dating returns Sept. 10 at The Hybrid Gallery.
Mellifera says places for musicians to meet and play with each other is scarce. “Open mics are more tailored to single solo songwriters, and then the jams tend to be like the same four older fellers who are holding down the Grateful Dead covers,” they say.
“I just wanted to compile anyone who was single and willing to mingle in one spot at one time.” So, she says, “I thought it’d be really funny to do a speed dating event just to see who was out there available, and then it would benefit everybody.”
The format is as follows: Musicians sign up before the event, with a photo, an instrument, the genre they play and what they’re looking for. The bios get posted online in advance so artists can scope the scene. When they arrive, Mellifera assigns everyone a group: each with a guitar player, a bassist, a drummer and one person who brought a different instrument.
The groups get called individually to the stage where they deliberate about what they’re going to play. Then they jam for five to seven minutes, and vocalists can join any time for 60 seconds.
“You get varying degrees of success. Some people are hot messes, like they’re not very good at improv, or it’s just a train wreck,” Mellifera says, “and then other people are extremely experienced and very intuitive, and you can see almost immediately the skill level.”
When Mountain Lion attended the first event in 2024, he just wanted to jam and wasn’t looking for bandmates. But when Courtney Renea flew on stage to sing with him, everything changed. She found her harmonization skills melded to his music. After the show, Mountain Lion asked Renea to jam, and she quickly joined his band. Since then, they have performed over 100 gigs.
Drummer Rena Frampton left her band three days before Musical Speed Dating. “I was lost and really sad,” she says.
Mellifera paired her with Lazarus Pearl, who was looking for a rhythm section. They were called up first, and played Pearl’s song “Fingers.” Frampton, who was used to playing songs hundreds of times before performing says, “I had a lot of nerves and I was a little bit shaky.” But they felt musical chemistry between them and Frampton Pearl’s drummer ever since. The beat she played that night is “the same beat that I’m doing with the song two years later.”
Though the event is for musicians, Mellifera says the audience is integral. “I want the community to come out and witness it, and encourage, and heckle, and tease and just be a part of it because it’s just a hot, messy, fun time for everybody.”
Musical Speed Dating is 7 pm to 10 pm Thursday, Sept. 10 at The Hybrid Gallery. $5 to $10 sliding scale. More information and sign ups at ApisMelliferaSings.com or visit @ApisMelliferaSings on Instagram.